Friday, June 15, 2007

The Weekly Rewind

Submitted for your approval… a country… whose current state of politics is in turmoil thanks to an incredibly dishonest, out-of-touch and dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks administration. Bloggers, looking to incite change, alter the universe by growing their legions of followers and posting the truth, at least until the black windowless vans show up. Welcome… to The Weekly Rewind…

Applaud: to the ever-falling approval numbers for “President” Bush. This week, a plethora of new polls came out and at least two of them had all-time lows. Quinnipiac University national poll put him at 28%, and a NBC/WSL poll put him at 29%... (Must contain glee... must contain glee...)

Heckle: to the FBI for discovering that they often broke rules in their data collection. (I am shocked… shocked to find gambling in this establishment). It seems that while collecting data about domestic phone calls, e-mails and financial transactions in recent years the bureau violated the law more than 1,000 times. The audit that discovered this covered a scant 10% their national security investigations since 2002... meaning that there are probably a LOT more law violations that have not yet been found... (I don't even know where to begin other than to say I am NOT AT ALL surprised...)

Heckle: to the news that mlitary service members have become prime targets of identity thieves who are exploiting the widespread use of Social Security numbers in the military to gain sensitive personal information. The military is attempting to combat the problem through a costly upgrade of its identity documents and systems.

Applaud: to a bi-partisan group of senators who, in response to the piss-poor treatment of wounded soldiers at Walter Reed, introduced a measure aimed at boosting “disability pay to those hurt in combat” and at the same time looked to “improve care for brain injury.” (Good job guys… these veterans are risking/risked their lives for our freedom and making sure they get topnotch care and are taken care of it the least we can do…)

Heckle: to a plan that just sounds bad. The US military is going to arm Iraqi Sunnis to fight al Qaeda… (cuz every other time the US has done something like that, it’s NEVER come back to bite us on the ass…)

Applaud: to the news that “President” Bush’s money-raising ability for the gop is, at best, waning. (Good news indeed, but the Democrats need to make sure they actually DO something with this and not sit on the laurels…)

Heckle: to the senate for beginning debate on energy legislation that would focus on curbing gasoline consumption and increasing the use of cleaner fuels in electricity generation but wouldn’t have any fucking affect on consumers' number one complaint of rising gas prices… (Watch my hands as I move them around and make you think I’m doing something when in reality I’m not doing a damn thing…). The bill has some endearing qualities as it would have raised vehicle fuel-economy standards for the first time in nearly 20 years and make oil-industry price gouging a federal crime. But the heckles continue because senators from states with auto plants are going attach an amendment that would give automakers more time to meet higher fuel mileage targets… (Your tax dollars and your Washington vote at work…)

Applaud: to the House for passing what could become the first major federal gun control law in over a decade. The law, spurred by the Virginia Tech campus killings and buttressed by the NRA, would improve state reporting to the National Instant Criminal Background Check System to stop gun purchases by people, including criminals and those adjudicated as mentally ill, who are prohibited from possessing firearms. (Wow…what a concept)

Heckle: to the Bush(whacked) administration (I know, you’re shocked) for altering the Justice Department’s role in civil rights by “aggressively pursuing religion-oriented cases” and diminishing its involvement in the “traditional area of race” by transferring or demoting “experienced civil rights litigators” while at the same time bringing in graduates of religious-affiliated law schools who “favor the new priorities.”

Applaud: to the news that Sen. Tim Johnson’s (D-SD) doctors are saying that he will be able to fully resume his senatorial duties soon? While that is good news for the Democrats who have missed his voice, it’s absolutely terrific and fantastic news for him and his family… and nothing else needs to be said…

Heckle: to having incredibly thin skin. Last month, lawyers for Scooter Libby tried to play the “bloggers can be mean” defense while urging the judge to not release letters to the public that were written in support of their client. Their reason? The “real possibility that these letters, once released, would be published on the Internet and their authors discussed, even mocked, by bloggers.” (Oh. My. God. Who knew we could be such a scary bunch???)

Applaud: to the CIA for cutting its use of contractors by 10%. The cuts are in response to criticism from Congress about the increasing privatization of intelligence gathering, and while 10% is a small number, we’ll give them the applaud for doing the right thing on a small scale and in hope that it also keeps TBWA out of their minds…

Heckle: to federal judge Reggie Walton receiving death threats and threatening phone calls because he followed the letter of the law and sentenced Scooter Libby. (Sad… just sad…)

Applaud: to the fact that AttorneyGate just won’t go away and that AG Alberto “Albatross” Gonzales’ troubles have gotten worse with the disclosure by top DOJ officials that they are investigating whether Gonzales sought to influence the eventual testimony of one of his former senior aides… (Noooo, I’m sure he wasn’t trying to do that at all… I’m sure it was just a friendly chat and they talked about sports… and the weather…)

Heckle: to Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt. He called Sen. Craig Thomas’s (R-WY) office Thursday afternoon to request a meeting with the senator… who had passed away Monday after a seven month battle with leukemia. Oops. WaPo wrote earlier this week that “Thomas staffers were stunned.” (Way to stay in the loop there Mike… ya dumbass…)

Applaud: to dodging a bullet. The Wyoming Republican Party released a final list of 31 individuals Thursday night that had submitted applications by the deadline to replace Sen. Thomas. The incredibly good news is that Lynne “Dickette” Cheney, was not among them… (Oh thank GOD!! Though keep in mind that if ANYONE would slip their application in after the deadline, it would be a Cheney…)

Heckle: to the announcement from a U.S. military commander earlier this week when he said that Iraq’s army would have to expand its rolls “by at least 20,000 more. He then added that even if they do do that, Iraq would “remain incapable of taking full responsibility” for its security. Essentially he’s saying that Iraq would have to have a long-term military relationship with the U.S… (Well duhhhhhh)

Applaud: that 2 of “President” Bush’s aides have been subpoenaed for… wait for it… AttorneyGate. Former White House counsel Harriet Miers and Sara Taylor, a former White House political director were served earlier this week in order to determine how involved they were in the firing of nine US Attorneys… (Will these elicit damaging feedback like that of Monica Goodling & Kyle Sampson or will they sneak out of it in some way? Stay tuned to AttorneyGate)

Heckle: to the no-confidence vote against Attorney General Alberto “Albatross” Gonzales going down in defeat in the Senate earlier this week as republicans dubbed the vote a political stunt.” (Wow… a lot of them favor Gonzales leaving the AG position but none of them want to do anything about. Way to stand by your convictions there guys)

Heckle: to Sen. Joe Lieberman (IR-CT). He’s becoming enough of a tool that we can start labeling his heckle as ‘just on general principles alone’ but this week he definitely has ONE thing that needs to be heckled. On Sunday he spoke out for a military strike against Iran. (It’s official… Joe is an absolute idiot… to call for military action against Iran now while our military is stretched thin because of Afghanistan and Iraq is not only dangerous, but also incredibly stupid)

And finally… we throw out a Heckle: to a politician on the other side of the pond. Italian Sen. Gustavo Selva, frustrated that he was going to be late for a TV interview last week because streets around the Italian Senate were blocked for “President” Bush’s visit, “dialed 118 for an ambulance asking to be rushed to his heart specialist” and gave the ambulance the TV studio’s address. While Selva may now face criminal charges for his stunt, he marks the return of and goes down as TBWA’s first-ever non-American Tool of the Week. Let’s give him a hand people.

All we have, take 'em as you will...

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