The Weekly Rewind

It’s that time again… Friday… and you no what that means…

No, not the early bird special at the Sizzler…

It’s time for The Weekly Rewind.

It’s been an interesting week, with rhetoric debate about the Iraq escalation plan, an attempt to get bailed out of another war, and so much crap about Anna Nicole Smith that every time I hear the latest item about her, I die a little inside…

Here we go…

Applaud: to defections. More and more republicans are coming down in favor of the Democrat-led escalation resolution, and not all of them are in danger of being unseated.. meaning that some of them are, ohmhgod, voting their conscience… quick, call Hell to see if it’s frozen over…

Heckle: to utter, unbiased, unadulterated stupidity. Just when you think republicans have said the craziest thing you’ve ever heard, they surprise you. The chairman of the Texas House Appropriations Committee, Warren Chisum, doesn't believe that the earth revolves around the sun, Yes, you read that right; a grown man who doesn’t believe that the earth revolves around the sun so much that he distributed a memo pitching the website of, evidently, bat-shit crazed wingers, who believe the earth doesn't spin on its axis or revolves around the Sun yet stands still… and just when you think it couldn’t get any better, you then find out that this group believes that Copernicus was part of a Jewish conspiracy to undermine the Old Testament… you can’t write shit like this I’m telling ya. It would be hilarious if it weren’t true…

Applauds: to Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). Earlier this week she “strongly endorsed binding legislation” that would require the Bush(whacked) Administration to seek congressional authorization even before the thought of military strikes on Iran enters their collective minds… (oops, too late…). Now she’s tied her support for Dubya’s war-funding request into strict standards of training, equipping and resting combat forces. (I think it would be safe to say that Ms. Pelosi has larger balls than her predecessor, Dennis Hastert, ever did…unfortunately, I still have doubts that Congress will be able to stop Bush from doing anything he wants to do… he’s really like an over-aged frat-boy in that regard…)

Heckle: to incredibly unrealistic assumptions and piss-poor analysis. According to documents that have just been releasd, the U.S. Central Command’s original war plan for invading Iraq “postulated in August 2002 that the U.S. would have only 5,000 troops left in Iraq as of December 2006.” (Uh, yeah… I think we’re a little off the mark on that one. 5,000 troops LEFT in Iraq, and here we are, February 2007 and we’re getting ready to send 20,000+ additional troops over there. All you people out there who defended this administration’s war-planning strategy still want to defend it??? Didn’t think so…)

Applaud: to the House Ccommittee on Government Reform for unanimously passing strong new whistle-blower protections, thus ensuring court reviews of whistle blower complaints and extending protection “for the first time to the F.B.I. and to intelligence agencies where wastefulness is draped in secrecy.

Heckle: to hookers at the point… or maybe more appropriately; hookers at the Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya. In a 25-count indictment disclosed yesterday against Defense contractor Brent Wilkes shows he was able to boondogle a plethora of Pentagon contracts by giving then-Rep. Duke Cunningham, besides cash, a prostitute on August 15, 2003 and, at the Congressman’s request, a different prostitute for the second evening, on August 16th… (First of all; eeeewww… second of all; eeewww again… third; is this what they mean by ‘poleing the electorate’?)

Applaud: to the power of Progressive Blogs. Earlier this week, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) launched a new blog (named The Gavel). Later in the week, a group of conservative House members issued a release claiming Pelosi had “violated copyright and trademark law” by “using pirated content” from C-SPAN, suggesting that “the Speaker bring the gavel down on ‘the Gavel Blog.’” (Naturally, within hours, the group who led the charge learned that their legal analysis was stupid idiotic petty wrong and retracted their complaint… Nice way to show that bi-partisanship you were all crowing about before the session began. And it also makes you wonder what exactly this group of conservatives didn’t want peopl to see. Dumb. Asses.)

Heckle: to lowering your standards. The number of waivers that the Army has granted to recruits with criminal backgrounds has grown 65% in the last three years… (Meaning, once they shoot the enemy, they then take their wallets…)

Applaud: to the end of the Scooter Libby case. Scooter Libby’s defense team has rested. Now, with Libby having decided to not testify himself, it’s over… and all paths lead to the White House. Now we just have to wait to see whose path it leads to…

Heckle: to dumbing down your comments. During the House’s Iraq debate, Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite (R-FL) explained her support for sending tens of thousands of U.S. forces to Iraq with language you would usually only hear in a trailer park:

“In the South, we have a wonderful saying and it goes like this: Get ‘er done. Our soldiers want to get it done and come home, and our President wants the same thing, and this Congress should demand the exact same thing. Let’s get out there and get ‘er done.’

Come on now,that has to be an impeachable offense, right?? Saying something as inane as that on the floor of the House of Representatives… what’s next? You might be a redneck…

Applaud: to more gop dominoes falling. Governor Jim Gibbons (R-NV) is being investigated by the FBI for failing to report gifts from a military contractor that he received while he was a member of Congress… (no word if hookers were involved or not…)

Heckle: to quoting quotes that aren’t actual quotes from the person you’re quoting… During yesterday's House debate on Iraq escalation, Rep. Don Young (R-AK) repeated a misquoted quote from Abraham Lincoln, a “quote” that was used in a Washington Times op-ed piece by Frank Gaffney. Disregarding the fact that the quote was never delivered by Lincoln, a point which Gaffney admits, Young is refusing to retract his statement and using the toddler-like excuse that the paper hasn't printed a correction yet either… (Usually I would use this space to say something akin to; What. A. Tool. But for this one, I prefer; what. A. Child. Grow up, Representative… grow up…)

Applaud: to the news that, for now, North Korea has agreed to nuclear disarmament… does that mean we can stop panicking? Probably not, it is Kim Jong Ill we’re talking about here, and he’s more bi-polar than... well... anyone...

Heckle: to Michelle Malkin. Just because I can…

Applaud: to the American public. A USA Today/Gallup poll finds 63% of Americans want all U.S. troops out of Iraq by the end of 2008…

Heckle: to delusions of grandeur. WaPo Op-Ed columnist David Broder says President Bush is poised for a political comeback… Uh…. Okay… Let me ask you Mr. Broder; what color is the sky in your world?

Applaud: to the Fark poltical headline of the week. “"Leadership" issue plays to Giuliani's strength. "Not sticking your weener in other women while still married" issue plays to his weakness”

Heckle: to Sen. John McCain (R-AZ). Earlier this week he said that he’s extremely concerned about the possibility of a “Tet Offensive” in Iraq that would “switch American public opinion the way that the Tet Offensive did” during Vietnam… (Uh… Senator… more than two-thirds of Americans already oppose the war… what more do you want??)

And finally…

Half-Hearted Applaud: to the House of Representatives for “rebuking” Bush on his troop-escalation plan (246 for, 182 against). Why is this a half-hearted applaud you ask? Because it amounts to less than a slap on the wrist and won’t stop Bush from doing a damn thing. But, I suppose, it’s better than nothing… but not by much. For those of you who want to see it, here’s the text of the resolution:

Disapproving of the decision of the President announced on January 10, 2007, to deploy more than 20,000 additional United States combat troops to Iraq.
Resolved by the House of Representatives (the Senate concurring), That—
(1) Congress and the American people will continue to support and protect the members of the United States Armed Forces who are serving or who have served bravely and honorably in Iraq; and
(2) Congress disapproves of the decision of President George W. Bush announced on January 10, 2007, to deploy more than 20,000 additional United States combat troops to Iraq.

Tomorrow, the Senate votes, and at least four GOP Senators (Smith, Warner, Snowe, and Collins) have said they will switch sides and back the Democratic-led resolution.

All I have, take ‘em as you will and have a good weekend.