The Weekly Rewind

Friday is here, whoo-hoo!!

That can mean one thing and one thing only.

Sit down, open your eyes, open your mind and wallow in the crapulence that is… TBWA’s Weekly Rewind.

Applaud: to the best news of this past week… the commencement of the 110th Congress… the commencement of the 110th Democratically controlled Congress… yee-haaaaa and whoo-hoooo!!!!!!!

Applaud: In its first (of many we hope) legislative act, the (Democratically controlled) 110th Congress voted 430-1 yesterday to approve “the broadest ethics and lobbying revision since the Watergate era.” (This is all fine and good, I just hope it works…)

Heckle: to Pat “Bigotry is my Life” Robertson. He’s out wit his annual predictions (who does he think he is, Kreskin? and is saying that God has told him of a terrorist attack on the U.S. that would result in “Mass killing. Late in 2007.” All of this because our nation and society is tolerant of homosexuals. (Sigh… besides a heckle, let me throw out a STFU as well. What a tool)

Applaud: to ignoring bigotry and embracing the bigot. Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN) introduced himself to Rep. Virgil Goode (R-VA), earlier this week despite the incredibally insensitive, idioitc and racist rants that Goode aimed at Ellison and his Muslim beliefts. (I love this. Not only did it show that Ellison is a bigger man than Goode, it also made Goode look like an even bigger asshat. Way to go Rep. Ellison, keep it up.)

Heckle: to bad news and sorry preparation. Only six out of 75 U.S. cities/metro areas achieved high grades for their emergency agencies’ ability to communicate during a disaster. (Nice… way to keep us safe there guys. Ya think this is what Pat was referring to? Or maybe Pat heard this story on the News and mistook it for God speaking to him… that’s always a possibility, isn’t it?)

Applaud: did I mention that this past week saw the commencement of the 110th Congress… the commencement of the 110th Democratically controlled Congress… yee-haaaaa and whoo-hoooo!!!!!!!

Applaud: to Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA), soon to be the chair of the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works (EPW). She’s already promised that her committee will “scrutinize” the EPA’s approach to… well… to the environment really. (Wow… a EPW committee chair who actually will care about the environment? When’s the last time we had that? Oh, that’s right, the last time we had a Democratically controlled Senate…)

Heckle: “Only six of 75 U.S. metropolitan areas won the highest grades for their emergency agencies’ ability to communicate during a disaster, five years after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks,” according to a new Dept. of Homeland Security report.

Applaud: to polling data. No, not the one I posted about earlier, but new numbers coming in regarding Dubya’s ever-shrinking approval numbers. CBS shows him at 30% approval... (if he gets below 30, I think we should sell...)

Heckle: to global warming and El Niño, which combined will make 2007 the warmest year on record… (Lovely… last one off the planet is a corpse rotten egg. That self-satisfying ‘I told you so’ you hear is coming from President Gore)

Applaud: to a continuing cleaning up of the mess left by House republicans. Soon to be House workforce chairman George Miller (D-CA) is going to erase a “controversial vestige of the Jack Abramoff era” by raising wages on the Mariana Islands. The islands are a U.S. territory where sweatshop factory conditions, among other things, have been documented but have gone ignored by the U.S. thanks to Abramoff who, in cooperation with his back-pocket conservatives, blocked better working conditions. (See that… get rid of the shyster republicans, elect Democrats, and things start happening… let’s keep it going)

Applaud: have I mentioned that this past week saw the commencement of the 110th Congress… the commencement of the 110th Democratically controlled Congress… yee-haaaaa and whoo-hoooo!!!!!!!

Heckle: to using tactics originally adopted by the tobacco industry (always someone to model yourselves after). ExxonMobil has given $16 million to groups that question global warming in an attempt to “manufacture uncertainty” about climate change. At least that’s what the Union of Concerned Scientists (who I’ve heard throw some wild parties) claims in a recent report. (Nice… very nice… gives you a nice, warm feeling in your heart… and your head… and your legs? Uh-oh… this can’t be good…)

Applaud: to speaking the truth… even if it isn’t viewed as such. Senate Foreign Relations Chairman Joe Biden (D-DE) said earlier this week that he thinks that most of the top officials in the Bush administration have “privately concluded they have lost Iraq and are simply trying to postpone disaster so the next president will ‘be the guy landing helicopters inside the Green Zone, taking people off the roof,’ in a chaotic withdrawal reminiscent of Vietnam.” (Ouch… truth hurts, doesn’t it Dubya? Let me consult the guide here… yes, that statement would qualify as a smackdown… nice job Joe)

Heckle: Chief Justice William Rehnquist was addicted to drugs and had hallucinations after back surgery… wouldn’t that have been a sight to see??

Applaud: to making an example of someone… even though it looks as though he’s being used as a patsy. Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman has fired the head of the department’s nuclear weapons program this past week. Reasons for the firing included a plethora of security failures at national laboratories (including my favorite: a computer device that contained classified documents that was discovered in the home of a former employee during a drug raid… It’s the drug raid portion of the story that makes it art…)

Heckle: to doing things under the radar. A “signing statement” attached to postal legislation, and signed by “President” Bush earlier this week, has opened the door for your government to open mail without so much as a warrant. (And the attack on our civil liberties continues… at least until 1/20/2009…

Applaud: to the continued recovery of Sen. Tim Johnson (D-SD).

Heckle: to the standing ovation that William “The Freezer” Jefferson (D-LA and he who faces an FBI probe into bribery allegations) received from the Congressional Black Caucus. (I don’t think that’s a good way to separate ourselves from the gop there fellas… I’m just sayin’…)

Applaud: to the stepping-down of one-time failed SCOTUS nominee Harriet Miers as White House counsel. She was a tool then… she’s a tool now… and the White House is clearing the decks for troubles ahead I think…

Heckle: to Ann Coulter. Do I really need to give a specific reason? Sigh… okay fine… she called the Democratic party a “vast sleeper cell.” Is that enough of a reason to vilify her? It is. Excellent… let’s get to work people…

Applaud: I think I’ve mentioned this already, but it certainly bears repeating. This past week saw the commencement of the 110th Congress… the commencement of the 110th Democratically controlled Congress… yee-haaaaa and whoo-hoooo!!!!!!!

That’s all I got, take ‘em as you will…