The Weekly Rewind

Live from the snow-filled streets of Northern Illinois, it’s TBWA’s Weekly Rewind…

Applaud: to telling it like it is… even if it does come from a republican. Outgoing RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman told a (hee hee hee) somber and (hee hee hee) diminished gathering of republican governors that their party will see years of being stranded in the “political wilderness” until it corrects the screw-ups that led to last month's election losses (hah hah hah hah hah hah…)

Heckle: to paperless electronic voting machines that are being used throughout the country. Apparetnly, according to the federal agency that advises the U.S. Election Assistance Commission, they ‘cannot be made secure,’ and instead the agency recommends “optical-scan” ballot systems. (Wow, no kidding… electronic voting machines don’t work.. I am shocked… actually, I’m not… it’s so hard to express sarcasm in a blog…)

Applaud: to the Iraq Study Group for reaching an agreement earlier this week on a gradual pullout of the 15 American combat brigades that are currently in Iraq. While we applaud this, we have to:

Heckle: to Exxon Mobil’s top executive who said earlier this week that; “Proposals by congressional Democrats to eliminate oil industry tax breaks and subsidies would set a bad example overseas and discourage new industry investments.” Sure they would… and by that he means it will take away the record profits and record bonuses that the companies and their executives enjoy… what a maroon…

Applaud: to not kowtowing to the “President”. This past week at a private reception “President” Bush asked Sen.-elect Jim Webb (D-VA), how his son, who is serving in Iraq was doing. Webb replied with a curt “I’d like to get them out of Iraq, Mr. President”, which illicited a response from Bush of “That’s not what I asked you.” Webb retorted with a nice verbal smackdown of “That’s between me and my boy, Mr. President.” (Nice job Mr. Webb… nice job…)

Heckle: to Christian conservatives that, on the day that the world commemorates AIDS Day, are pushing Congress to cut support for President Bush’s AIDS initiatives due to a perceived lack of support for “faith-based” programs. (Let’s see, how do I respond to this… oh yeah… give me a fuc**** break… let’s not worry about spreading AIDS, let’s worry about our (stress OUR) standards not being acknowledged. Idiots…)

Applaud: to incoming Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) who has promised to “do away with the do-nothing Congress” and will have them put in hours like they haven’t put in in “ a long time”. Mr. Reid went on to say that they will start off the year with “seven weeks without a break.” (Niiiiiice…crack that whip Harry… crack it!!)

Heckle: to the administration for not only saying ‘screw you’ to various Eurpoean nations, but also to the environment. Saying it would put an unfair disadvantage to U.S. carriers, the White House has come out against plans by European nations that would require airlines to curb greenhouse gases. James Connaughton, chairman of the White House Council on Environmental Quality (who has to have the easiest job in the White House) stated: “We are strongly opposed to the imposition of a tax. We think this will violate trade rules.”

Applaud: to doing what the Iraq Study Group wouldn’t do… set a timetable. Britain’s Defense Secretary said this week that UK troop levels in Iraq would be “significantly lower by a matter of thousands” at the end of next year. Hmmmm… maye we can take a cue from the Brits (scary thought, I know) and give an actual timetable of withdrawal…

Heckle: to idiotic changes that, on the surface, don’t seem like they’re gonna offer any usefulness. For the first time in 20 years there has been a revision to the U.S. citizenship test, that’s fine. What I, and quite a few others, find odd are some of the questions, like asking applicants how much the federal minimum wage is. I’m sorry, I just don’t see how that’s a useful question… can someone explain it to me… please…

Applaud: to former House speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA), yes you read that right – we’re applauding Newt. Earlier this week he stated that “unless the Bush administration admits that the war in Iraq is a ‘failure,’ it will never develop a strategy to leave the country successfully.” Wow… that’s impressive, maybe I misjudged you New— wait, what did he say?? Sigh… now I’ve gotta throw out a…

Heckle: to former House speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA). Yes, we applauded him above, but then I found out he uttered some idiotic statements at a “First Amendment awards dinner.” At the dinner, he said that the U.S. will be “forced to reexamine freedom of speech to meet the threat of terrorism,” and added that a “different set of rules” would be needed to limit “terrorists’ and their ability to “use the Internet and free speech.” (Huh?)

Applaud: to the return of Pure. Comedy. Gold. Rumors are floating around in Florida political circles that outgoing Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL), (her of the most disastrous Senate campaign ever) is plotting an House campaign in 2008. Excellent… even more comic hijinks are on the way…

Heckle: to bad signs of things to come. SCOTUS Justice Antonin Scalia: “That’s why I don’t want to have to deal with global warming, to tell you the truth.” Great…gives you warm fuzzys all over, doesn’t it??

Applaud: to even more saying it like it is. Former Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage said earlier this week that the “stakes in Afghanistan are much larger in the near term than they are in Iraq,” as it could have “enormous repercussions” on Pakistan and India. Mr. Armitage than went on to predict that Iraq’s troubles would remain internal for a really really long time. (Could someone explain to me how everyone, even a lof of republicans, can see the writing on the wall but our commander in chief is still dumb as a box of rocks?? It’s scary…)

Heckle: to more bad signs of things to come. About $2 billion worth of Army and Marine Corps equipment is wearing out or being destroyed in Iraq and Afghanistan every month. It’s gotten so bad that the wear and tear may lead to “future equipment shortages.”

That's all we have, have a good weekend everyone...